The following is a spoof, my friends, meant to send up the absurdities of Big Publishing’s marketing strategies. Apparently this hit so close to home, though, that when I posted it on Facebook back in August, people actually took it seriously and made many exasperated comments. If you’re an author, I sincerely hope you get a chuckle, not a fit of weeping:

As we all know, Big Publishing (BP) categorizes fiction according to the age of the main characters, who are meant to appeal to readers of the same age since everyone is so self-centered these days they only want to read about characters just like them (only much, much better or much, much worse). BP formulates its book marketing strategy according to these categories so you, the author, ignore them at your peril.

BP begins with Picture Books aimed at 3—5.5 years old (YO) with goofy illustrations that look as if they could have been drawn by a slightly slow 5 YO but in fact are drawn by cunning adults. BP moves on to Middle Grade, which has trended out to New Middle Grade (5.5—8). Middle Middle Grade (8—10), and Old Middle Grade (10—12.5).

From there BP leaps into the now somewhat dated but still hot Young Adult (YA), subdividing the category into Experimenting With Orgasms New Young Adult (12.5—14.5), Madly In Love With A Jerk Middle Young Adult (14.5—16.5), and Older and Wiser Old Young Adult (16.5—18.5), including the important subcategory Learning Archery, Watch Out Jerk Old Young Adult.

Now comes the hotter than hot, not dated yet but getting there fast, category New Adult (NA). BP is scrambling to subdivide NA into I’m So Troubled New New Adult (18.5—20.5), Crap I’m Getting Old Middle New Adult (20.5—23.5), and I’m Supposed To Be Mature But I Still Ride A Skateboard Old New Adult (23.5—29.5).

The marketing demographic get dicey with I Felt Like Killing Myself When I Turned Thirty New Thirtysomething Adult (29.5—32.5), Damn I Hate This Job Middle Thirtysomething Adult (32.5—35.5), and I’m Divorcing That Jerk Old Thirtysomething Adult (35.5—39.5).

Dicier still are the Fortysomething Books–I Got Bifocals and My First Nose Ring New Forty (39.5—42.5), Having My Last Fling Middle Forty (42.5—46.5), and Having a Midlife Crisis Old Forty (46.5—49.5).

BP is puzzled how to market New Fifty (49.5—52.5) (dark, problematic downers), Mom Died And Left Me A Bunch Of Bills Middle Fifty (52.5—56.5). More saleable is the Still Flirty At Fifty Old Fifty Books (56.5—59.5).

It remains to be seen whether the readership will still be alive and solvent to buy I’m Still A Sixties Hippie at Sixty New Sixty books (59.5—62.5), let alone I Can’t Afford to Retire Middle Sixty books (62.5—65.5) or One Foot in the Grave Old Sixty books (65.5—69.5).

Book marketing is so difficult!

Happy Halloween!

From the author of Summer Of Love, A Time Travel (a Philip K. Dick Award Finalist and San Francisco Chronicle Recommended Book) on BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, Kobo, and Sony;

The Gilded Age, A Time Travel is on BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, Sony, and Smashwords;

The Garden of Abracadabra, Volume 1 of the Abracadabra Series, on BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, Sony, and Smashwords;

Celestial Girl (A Lily Modjeska Mystery) on Nook, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, Kobo, and Sony;

SHAKEN on BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, Sony, and Smashwords; and

Strange Ladies: 7 Stories on Nook, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, Kobo, and Sony.

Visit The Virtual Bookstore! All Lisa Mason Titles, All Links, All Readers, Worldwide.

Visit me at Lisa Mason’s Official Website for books, ebooks, stories, and screenplays, forthcoming projects and more, on my Facebook Author Page, on Amazon, on my Facebook Profile Page, on Goodreads, on LinkedIn, on Twitter at @lisaSmason, at Smashwords, and at Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.

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