Yes, it’s true, today is my birthday. Also true I’m 3,000 years old.

You may be wondering—what are the secrets of my longevity?

I can’t reveal them all. They wouldn’t be secrets anymore, now would they?

But here are five of my faves:

1—Don’t drink the water. No one ever got cholera from a chilled bottle of chardonnay.

2—Pop quiz. What do Rod Serling, Walt Disney, Bob Marley, and George Harrison have in common? That’s correct—none of them lived to be 3,000. None lived to be 70. Some didn’t live to be 60. One didn’t live to be 40. Don’t smoke. Anything.

3—Never let the neighbors catch you talking to your cat or dog and your cat or dog answering you back. (See the Salem witch trials.)

4—Learn to say “please” and “thank you” in twenty languages. Say those words often, por favor. Danke.

5—Keep your mind active by reading short stories. And you’re in luck! You may pay what you wish for The Story Collection Storybundle and receive a bounty of traditionally published, multi-award-winning stories to nourish mind and soul.

The Bundle includes What I Didn’t See (a World Fantasy Award Winner) by Karen Joy Fowler (the New York Times bestselling author of The Jane Austen Book Club), Collected Stories by Lewis Shiner, Errantry by Elizabeth Hand, The Green Leopard Plague by Walter Jon Williams, Women Up to No Good by Pat Murphy, Strange Ladies: 7 Stories by Lisa Mason, Wild Things by C. C. Finlay, and 6 Stories by Kathe Koja.

But you must act now. The Story Collection Storybundle lasts only ten more days until June 2, 2016 at https://storybundle.com/storycollection. Once it’s gone, it’s gone!