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Great Expectations

Pasadena is a wood-burning oven, Josh a piece of meat, as he pulls his Volvo spattered with bumper stickers up to Happy Daze Family Clinic.

Nikki hops out and boogies over to the driver’s side, doing the trademarked bump-and-grind she used to do as the lead guitar of Chicks in Chains. Today she’s flower-child chic in skinny white jeans, a pink camisole, and suede ballet flats. Not rocker-chick sleek in black leather and sky-high boots like in the old days. But he can’t help but smile. Damn, she’s hot. He hasn’t seen his wife this stoked since they got married four years ago.

Now if only he could stifle the regret in his heart.

She leans in his window. “She’s gonna be your kid, too, babe.”

“Or he. She could be a he.”

“Absolutely.”

“I hope I haven’t let you down, Nikki. You know I’m crazy in love with you.”

“I know, hubby of mine.” She kisses him sweetly on the lips, gazes deeply into his eyes. Then bumps-and-grinds around the Volvo, waves bye-bye, and dances through the front door of Happy Daze.

Josh sighs, watching her go. He wants this because she wants this. But that doesn’t mean he has to like what she wants. He’s pretty sure he’d be perfectly happy living the rest of his life, just him and Nikki.

He pulls out into frantic traffic, scanning the curbs for a parking space. Three grand for a freakin’ turkey baster, he mutters to himself, and the clinic hasn’t even got a parking lot.

* * *

Nikki takes a form on a clipboard from the receptionist, plops down in the plastic seat next to a lacy girly-girl studiously filling out her own form. Fingers fumbling, Nikki promptly drops the pen.

The girl, in a flouncy peach dress and prim two-inch heels, picks up the pen and hands it to her.

“Hey, thanks. I’m kinda nervous, you know?” Nikki is jumping for joy Josh has agreed to her plan, sure, but she’s also jittery as hell. “Making a baby with a stranger and all?”

“Me, too. But excited. Really, really excited.”

“Yeah. But my guy, he’s a bit downhearted we couldn’t make a baby on our own. He couldn’t.” She laughs ruefully. “Not for lack of trying.”

“Oh, my husband got over that when he saw his test results. What must be, must be.” She holds out her hand. “I’m Gretchen.”

Nikki expects a limp little handshake, receives a hearty knuckle-gripper. “Nikki. What a place to meet, huh?”

“It’s a perfectly respectable place to meet.” Gretchen smiles, as radiant as a madonna in a Renaissance painting. “Bad things happen to good folks, that’s what my Mike says. You carry on, is all.”

“It’s great we’ve got alternatives. Modern science, right?”

“Oh yes, thank the good Lord! Mike’s really, really excited, too. He comes from this big, huge family. We’re chompin’ at the bit to start a family of our own.”

Nikki fiddles with the pen. “Yeah, us, too. How cool is that?”

* * *

Josh cruises down Allen Avenue past Pasadena City College, hangs a right on Del Mar. Curses on this traffic! He sits in a fume-spewing gridlock for a solid ten minutes, which gives him way too much time to think things over.

Maybe Nikki had always been too skinny. She had been one of those girls who lived on black coffee, cigarettes, diet pills, and air-popped popcorn. That’s how she fit in her scary-skinny black leather. He read somewhere that a lot of times anorexics can’t conceive later in life.

But, wait. There he goes again, blaming her. He knows very well the tests showed the problem was his low sperm count. They had tried in vitro. It hadn’t helped.

Suddenly an Acura lurches out of a parking space. Josh squeals up, shifts into reverse, and starts backing in, slow and methodical. That’s how come there’s not a scratch or a dent on the geriatric Volvo he’s driven all over L.A.

Now a Ford pickup truck with an American flag flapping on the radio antenna swerves over and muscles into the space.

Damn! Josh yanks the parking brake, storms out of the Volvo, confronts the driver as he climbs down from the cab.

“Hey! That’s my parking space, man.”

The driver grins, a beefy jock in a security guard’s uniform. “I don’t see your name on it, moron.”

“I can’t believe this! My wife is getting knocked up by a turkey baster, and I can’t find a freakin’ parking space.”

“Some guys have all the luck.”

The jock strides away, cutting across the campus, northbound. What a jerk, Josh fumes. That’s the only way he’ll ever set foot on a college campus.

* * *

Nikki and Gretchen hand in their forms and their clipboards to the receptionist, a drill sergeant of a lady in a navy-blue linen pantsuit who orders them to take their seats till their time is called.

Wow. Wow. Nikki feels that thrill of destiny like when she first met Josh in the check-out line at Trader Joe’s. Or when she first stood onstage at the House of Blues. She smiles, a little guilty, to herself. Which had been the bigger thrill? That’s a tough call.

“I guess it’s the silver lining,” she says. “In the cloud, you know? I always wanted my kid to have some musical chops like me. A double whammy of Mozart genes can’t hurt, so we asked for a donor with some proven do-re-mi talent.”

“So did we!” Gretchen says. “When I was a kid, I trained at classical piano. I’d love for my child to play, too.”

Classical piano?

“Wow,” Nikki says, impressed. “I just used to play lead guitar for Chicks in Chains.”

“Oh, I loved Chicks in Chains!”

“Really? Got a fave tune?”

“‘Kiss My Ass,’ what else?”

“Well, all right!”

Nikki and Gretchen bump fists, their wedding rings clinking.

Nikki sighs. “Those were the days. Now I sell life insurance. At least it’s a living.”

* * *

Josh jogs up to the front door of Happy Daze just as the beefy jock is about to push inside.

The jock holds the door open for him. “Ladies, first.”

Josh barges in. “Brains before shit-for-brains.”

* * *

Nikki leaps to her feet at the sight of her Josh, so cuddly in his T and jeans, his hair a frizzy ‘fro in the Pasadena heat. She smooches his fuzzy cheek.

“Hey, babe. Everything cool?”

Gretchen leaps to her feet, too, and flings her arms around a macho dude in some kind uniform with a holster and everything. “Valiant Security Service” reads the logo stitched across his broad shoulders.

“Mike! Darling! This is my friend Nikki. You won’t believe it! She used to play with Chicks in Chains and she and her husband asked for a donor with musical talent just like we did, and she’s here to make a baby, just like me!”

Nikki’s not sure why her guy and this other guy are glaring and snarling at each other like junkyard dogs.

“Um, babe? This is my new friend Gretchen and uh . . . you’re who?”

“Mr. Mike Williams, to you,” the macho dude says.

“Mikey and me,” Josh says, “we’ve met.”

U F uh-O is on BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

So there you have it, my friends. Take a break from the stress of the world and try this!

From the author of Summer Of Love, A Time Travel (a Philip K. Dick Award Finalist and San Francisco Chronicle Recommended Book). On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

The Gilded Age, A Time Travel (a New York Times Notable Book and New York Public Library Recommended Book). On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

Time Travels to San Francisco (boxed set of Summer of Love and The Gilded Age). On US Kindle, UK Kindle, Canada Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Spain, Brazil, Mexico, India, and Japan.

Arachne (a Locus Hardover Bestseller). On US Kindle, UK Kindle, Canada Kindle, Australia Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. On Kindle in France Kindle, Germany Kindle, Italy Kindle, Netherlands Kindle, Spain Kindle, Mexico Kindle, Brazil Kindle, India Kindle, and Japan Kindle.

Cyberweb (sequel to Arachne). is on US Kindle, BarnesandNoble, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on UK Kindle, Canada Kindle, Australia Kindle, Brazil Kindle, France Kindle, Germany Kindle, India Kindle, Italy Kindle, Japan Kindle, Mexico Kindle, Netherlands Kindle, and Spain Kindle.

Strange Ladies: 7 Stories (“A must-read collection—The San Francisco Review of Books). On Nook, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

The Garden of Abracadabra (“Fun and enjoyable urban fantasy . . . I want to read more!) On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

Celestial Girl, A Lily Modjeska Mystery (Five stars) On Nook, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo. On Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

Shaken On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

Hummers On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

Daughter of the Tao On US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, BarnesandNoble, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia,  France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

Every Mystery Unexplained On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

Tomorrow’s Child On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, India, Mexico, and Netherlands.

The Sixty-third Anniversary of Hysteria On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

U F uh-O On BarnesandNoble, US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

Tesla, A Screenplay On US Kindle, Canada Kindle, UK Kindle, BarnesandNoble, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on Kindle in Australia, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, and India.

My Charlotte: Patty’s Story On Barnes and Noble, US Kindle, UK Kindle, Canada Kindle, Australia Kindle, Smashwords, Apple, and Kobo. On Kindle in France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Brazil, Japan, Netherlands, and Mexico.

“Illyria, My Love” is on US Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Kobo, and Smashwords. Also on UK Kindle, Canada Kindle, Australia Kindle, Germany Kindle, France Kindle, Spain Kindle, Italy Kindle, Netherlands Kindle, Japan Kindle, Brazil Kindle, Mexico Kindle, and India Kindle.

Please visit me at Lisa Mason’s Official Website for all my books, ebooks, stories, and screenplays, reviews, interviews, and blogs, adorable cat pictures, forthcoming works, fine art and bespoke jewelry by my husband Tom Robinson, worldwide links, and more!

And on Lisa Mason’s Blog, on my Facebook Author Page, on my Facebook Profile Page, on Amazon, on Goodreads, on LinkedIn, on Twitter at @lisaSmason, at Smashwords, at Apple, at Kobo, and at Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.

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